culligan has weekend, hilarity ensues.

while trying to get down to a party in the lower east side, i sat near and eavesdropped on two overstyled hipster-esque kids talking about the friday night past.

hipster number one says "me and matt got really drunk at my place and decided we really wanted to get high. so we called everyone we knew to see if they were holding but we couldn't find anybody. i just moved into the city from brooklyn, so i don' have a hookup yet."

hipster number two responds, "man, you just need to walk down the street and ask some dark people. they always know where you can score some pot."

to which hipster number one responds, "that's what i thought man, so we just walked down the street and asked everybody with black skin where we could get some. and nobody knew. so we started asking the mexicans and puerto ricans and finally this guy was like, yeah i can get you some come with me. so we went to his project and he told us to wait outside so he could go up and get it. so we waited for fucking ever and finally he came down and was like "when i hand it to you, you hand me the money." so we did a double hand off and he gave me this medicine bottle and i gave him the fourty bucks."

i didn't want to just whip it out in the middle of the street so while mat and i were walking home i opened the bottle in my pocket and started to feel the shit. and i thought "damn, this is really schwaggy." but then i pulled it out to look at it was fucking HOUSE PLANTS shoved inside some asprin bottle! we paid fourty bucks to some mexican for some fucking ficus or some shit!!

ill tell you kiddos, there ain't nothing funnier then some racial justice. except for this joke my friend F.G. told me last night.

why do ladies where makeup and perfume?







wait for it....





because they're ugly and they smell bad.

hahahahakalafvde;
(my reaction at the time was to try desperately to keep the water i was drinking from spurting out my nose because i laughed so hard.)

the joke was the perfect end to a loverly evening with mr. f.g. and his two friends. both of which go unnamed here because i have forgotten their names. and that's really really unfortunate because one of them was really cute and gave me his business card so that i could a) call him later to hang out and b) go look at his design stuff and maybe recommend him to the head of art buying at my place of business. but like a moron i have lost the card.

so instead of just calling f.g to get the number, i decided to cyberstalk cute designer friend on friendster. i knew his name started with a d so i didn't think it would be that hard. but he either doesn't have a friendster profile or his name doesn't start with a d because i couldn't find him anywhere. and then in the midst of my disappointment at not being able to cyberstalk cute designer friend i realized something that made my heart stop beating.

FRIENDSTER NOW LETS YOU SEE WHO HAS VIEWED YOU!!!!

i am so fucked. really. i should sue.