seperated at birth?

to get the full story, go here, here, or here.

this my friends, is pure evil.

cansei de ser sexy

why is brazil so much cooler than america?

i offer you this as proof:

welcome back, kah-terrrr

this weekend i was invited by a wonderful person, my good friend C.M. who is not reading this even though i gave her the link and told her she has to come and read this because if she doesn't no one will...ahem, i digress.

this weekend i was invited by C.M. to meet her good friends K&B (who they will be collectively refered, for practical reasons) who are a delightful young gay couple. having resigned myself to a lonely and non-gay existence i decided it wouldn't hurt to meet some gays, even if they are from out of town.

and i had so much fun with them. and of course C.M. but it left me feeling very strange. i have been looking for something recently, and im not sure exactly what it is, but i think i might have found it.

after having a great time just being out and laughing and joking, i was reminded of my quaint little piece of the digital landscape and visited myself here at my favorite mistakes. and i really missed the guy i used to be. where i was once hopeful, and bright-eyed, some might even say nice - a sort of darker, jaded version now rests.

i hope that i can regain a little bit of that and i think it might be easier to start here. you know, where no one ever visits anymore. we'll see what we can do. but in the meantime, im leaving you with free hugs.

culligan has weekend, hilarity ensues.

while trying to get down to a party in the lower east side, i sat near and eavesdropped on two overstyled hipster-esque kids talking about the friday night past.

hipster number one says "me and matt got really drunk at my place and decided we really wanted to get high. so we called everyone we knew to see if they were holding but we couldn't find anybody. i just moved into the city from brooklyn, so i don' have a hookup yet."

hipster number two responds, "man, you just need to walk down the street and ask some dark people. they always know where you can score some pot."

to which hipster number one responds, "that's what i thought man, so we just walked down the street and asked everybody with black skin where we could get some. and nobody knew. so we started asking the mexicans and puerto ricans and finally this guy was like, yeah i can get you some come with me. so we went to his project and he told us to wait outside so he could go up and get it. so we waited for fucking ever and finally he came down and was like "when i hand it to you, you hand me the money." so we did a double hand off and he gave me this medicine bottle and i gave him the fourty bucks."

i didn't want to just whip it out in the middle of the street so while mat and i were walking home i opened the bottle in my pocket and started to feel the shit. and i thought "damn, this is really schwaggy." but then i pulled it out to look at it was fucking HOUSE PLANTS shoved inside some asprin bottle! we paid fourty bucks to some mexican for some fucking ficus or some shit!!

ill tell you kiddos, there ain't nothing funnier then some racial justice. except for this joke my friend F.G. told me last night.

why do ladies where makeup and perfume?







wait for it....





because they're ugly and they smell bad.

hahahahakalafvde;
(my reaction at the time was to try desperately to keep the water i was drinking from spurting out my nose because i laughed so hard.)

the joke was the perfect end to a loverly evening with mr. f.g. and his two friends. both of which go unnamed here because i have forgotten their names. and that's really really unfortunate because one of them was really cute and gave me his business card so that i could a) call him later to hang out and b) go look at his design stuff and maybe recommend him to the head of art buying at my place of business. but like a moron i have lost the card.

so instead of just calling f.g to get the number, i decided to cyberstalk cute designer friend on friendster. i knew his name started with a d so i didn't think it would be that hard. but he either doesn't have a friendster profile or his name doesn't start with a d because i couldn't find him anywhere. and then in the midst of my disappointment at not being able to cyberstalk cute designer friend i realized something that made my heart stop beating.

FRIENDSTER NOW LETS YOU SEE WHO HAS VIEWED YOU!!!!

i am so fucked. really. i should sue.

culligan has weekend, hilarity ensues.

while trying to get down to a party in the lower east side, i sat near and eavesdropped on two overstyled hipster-esque kids talking about the friday night past.

hipster number one says "me and matt got really drunk at my place and decided we really wanted to get high. so we called everyone we knew to see if they were holding but we couldn't find anybody. i just moved into the city from brooklyn, so i don' have a hookup yet."

hipster number two responds, "man, you just need to walk down the street and ask some dark people. they always know where you can score some pot."

to which hipster number one responds, "that's what i thought man, so we just walked down the street and asked everybody with black skin where we could get some. and nobody knew. so we started asking the mexicans and puerto ricans and finally this guy was like, yeah i can get you some come with me. so we went to his project and he told us to wait outside so he could go up and get it. so we waited for fucking ever and finally he came down and was like "when i hand it to you, you hand me the money." so we did a double hand off and he gave me this medicine bottle and i gave him the fourty bucks."

i didn't want to just whip it out in the middle of the street so while mat and i were walking home i opened the bottle in my pocket and started to feel the shit. and i thought "damn, this is really schwaggy." but then i pulled it out to look at it was fucking HOUSE PLANTS shoved inside some asprin bottle! we paid fourty bucks to some mexican for some fucking ficus or some shit!!

ill tell you kiddos, there ain't nothing funnier then some racial justice. except for this joke my friend F.G. told me last night.

why do ladies where makeup and perfume?







wait for it....





because they're ugly and they smell bad.

hahahahakalafvde;
(my reaction at the time was to try desperately to keep the water i was drinking from spurting out my nose because i laughed so hard.)

the joke was the perfect end to a loverly evening with mr. f.g. and his two friends. both of which go unnamed here because i have forgotten their names. and that's really really unfortunate because one of them was really cute and gave me his business card so that i could a) call him later to hang out and b) go look at his design stuff and maybe recommend him to the head of art buying at my place of business. but like a moron i have lost the card.

so instead of just calling f.g to get the number, i decided to cyberstalk cute designer friend on friendster. i knew his name started with a d so i didn't think it would be that hard. but he either doesn't have a friendster profile or his name doesn't start with a d because i couldn't find him anywhere. and then in the midst of my disappointment at not being able to cyberstalk cute designer friend i realized something that made my heart stop beating.

FRIENDSTER NOW LETS YOU SEE WHO HAS VIEWED YOU!!!!

i am so fucked. really. i should sue.

brokeback mountain

first read this.

then watch this.

then buy this.

but it's the hours-after that are always so unbearable.

i am so depressed.

Closure

i recently visited a good friend in our nation's capitol. and by good friend, i mean ex boyfriend.

the visit was, to say the least, really emotionally expansive. the kind that leaves you with a general feeling of contentment. but, en leiu of blogging about it, i think my feelings can best be described through quoting from the hit gwen stefani song, "cool"

Passes things get more comfortable. Everything is going right. And after all the obstacles. It’s good to see you now with someone else. And it’s such a miracle that you and me are still good friends. After all that we’ve been through. I know we’re COOL.

:: this is where we talked about how im happy for him that he has a new boyfriend, even though the new boyfriend was kind of a jackass to me but i still care for him very much, so im glad to see him happy::

We used to think it was impossible. Now you call me by my new last name. Memories seem like so long ago. Time always kills the pain. Remember Harbor Boulevard. The dreaming days where the mess was made. Look how all the kids have grown. We have changed but we’re still the same. After all that we’ve been through. I know we’re COOL

:: and now we talk about how our relationship ended and how it was hard on both of us. the not sharing, the things that went unsaid and the miscommunication. a little bit of hurt, first mine, then his. and how we are happy that things ended the way they did and that we are still friends::

And I’ll be happy for you. If you can be happy for me. Circles and triangles, and now we’re hangin’ out with your new girlfriend. So far from where we’ve been. I know we’re COOL.

:: and this is where we decided that we should always be friends. or at least, i decided, in my own head. because whatever happens for me in the future, he was my first love. ::

i feel so emo. who needs psychiatry?

life and leftovers, very little love.

should i be concerned that less than a week into his visit here, my little brother has managed to not only meet someone who is both funny and good looking but alltogether a ton more normal than anyone who i have been on a date with in the past couple of months?! and did i mention that he's not even a permanent resident of the island, but only VISITING?!?

i suppose i should be less concerned with the unwavering overall consensus that my brother is a charmer but more concerned with the fact that when he easily manages (within a week for god's sake!) what i find to be an almost impossible task, i am immediately filled with scorn and malice and just a twinge of burning jealousy? and want his much anticipated visit to come to a hasty if not ill-fated end?

what's sad is that this makes me feel worse than the lonliness.
um.. therapist? is there a therapist in the audience? i wonder how much my psychiatric co-pay is... hrmm..

in more well-adjusted news, since i am now officially dating my office (i refuse to talk about work for fear if the relationship goes sour, and i blog about it, i will be out much more than a boyfriend.) but lets just suffice it to say that i am a damn good boyfriend to that needy bitch. and things on that front are going swimmingly. im filming my first commercials at the end of this month and my work on another project is being lauded as some of the best work for this particular brand (market-specific work.) to happen in quite a number of years. yay! (oh, and watch for me in the next issue of radar magazine. im a contributor! i probably shouldn't be bragging about this last one.)

so if i could just manage to scrape together a life that isn't limited to netflix, a rotating slew of novels, and porn, ill be doing much better.

but whilst we're on the subject: the new harry potter book is excellent, the new tim burton movie isn't.
kudos for staying true to the story, but jeers for falling so short of the original. JEERS i say!

thoughts on the week. end.

i went on a date this past friday, and i wrote a poem about it:

we
don't
have much
time, he said.
so ill just
tell you about
me.

then we went to applebee's in time's square for dessert.

and i found out that i can't find frito's anywhere in my neighborhood. which really kind of ruins my plans to make a frito pie. if you haven't had one, i suggest it. its not so much a pie as it is heaven in a bag. directions to follow:

take on small bag of frito's brand corn chips. (this is the most important ingredient. no substitutions are acceptable.)
into the open end, pour warm-to-hot chili (with beans, please.) add shredded cheese. stir. then enjoy.

it's as simple as, well, frito pie. and twice as delicious. i wanted one but without frito's i was left without. so i ate sushi instead. it wasn't nearly as good. the rice was too al dente.

then i had a breakthrough - i went and saw a movie all by myself. this is something i never do. but the movie was excellent - me and you and everyone we know. go see it immediately. stop reading. stop it. go see this movie. you'll understand what i mean when its over.